Frankly Shabby Cucumbers

I tried to grow cucumbers but they were frankly shabby cucumbers. This is how to make your cucumbers less shabby.


  1. Frank Basics
    1. An important note
    2. How to spot a cucumber
  2. The Complexities of Cucumbers
    1. The necessity of emotional connection
    2. Obfuscation: When to Employ it
  3. Note


Frank Basics

It's important to master the basics of gardening before trying to perfect your vegetables


An important note

The word vegetable is used numerous times througout this blog post to refer to cucumbers, this makes many people angry as cucmbers are technically a fruit. However, there is actually no botanical definition for vegetable like there is for a fruit; vegetable is simply a culinary term. Therefore, I will be using it to refer to cucumbers as it is the term most people associate with cucumbers.


How to spot a cucumber:

Before you can make your cucmbers less shabby you must be able to recognise them. Here are some examples of cucumbers and similar vegetables to use as a guide:

frankly shabby cucumbers a shabby carrot frankly an avocado
A cucumber (not too shabby) Not a cucumber (a shabby carrot) Frankly, not a cucumber (an avocado)



The Complexities of Cucumbers

Monotone, 95% H20, these facinating fruits may at first seem dull, but water is 100% H20 and yet we still drink it! In fact, just like dihydrogen monoxide people used to think that cucumbers were poisonous, not too shabby!

As I'm sure that fact just proved, there's a lot more to cucumbers than meets the eye, therefore gardeners need to employ a wide range of complicated tactics to keep prevent frankness in their flora. The next section of this article is devoted to in-depth explinations on some strategies you can attempt.


The necessity of emotional connection:

Let's be frank, if you are reading this article, it means that you want your vegetables to be less shabby, you may think 'shabbiness' is caused by physical factors like soil quality, wind, or rain. But what makes a cucumber really shabby is a lack of positive self image and important role models. Next time you visit your garden or allotment, instead of heartlessly measuring soil pH and watering the flora, ask your poor plants about their hopes, dreams, and levels of emotional fufillment. I promise you, your botany will begin to bloom.


Obfuscation: When to Employ it

You will often be more critical of your own botany than others. Sometimes, being frank about the shabbiness of your plants is not the right move. If the state of your cucumber is truly dire, do not obfusctate, instead be open about it, if you are honest either seriously, or in a jokey, self-depricating way about your produce, people will normally not be cruel about it and will still appreciate the homegrown plant.




note: if you followed a link on a website, ended up here, and don't know what is going on, this is just a school project. I'm trying to be the first website that shows up when someone searches 'frankly shabby cucumbers'. However, I spent an unwise amount of time making this so do enjoy anyway.